pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
