i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
birth control should be required to get into college
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
