The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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