I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
