Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
