We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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