drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
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I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
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Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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