Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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