Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
