I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
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I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
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Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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