chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
