um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
