I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
