I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
