In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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