a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
