we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
