I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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