i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
