sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
