At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
