you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
