you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
