i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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