Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You're a waste of cheezeits
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
