The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
