the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
