I accidentally had phone sex last night
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
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I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
where are you?
Hypothermia
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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