Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
