I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
