At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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