she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
