I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
