it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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