So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
