I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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