How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
