Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
