The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
