how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
