why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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