Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
