so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
