He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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