he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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