hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Randomize
