I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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