we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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