im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
