worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
