Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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