Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
