WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
foreskin is a definite game changer
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
