OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I have post one night stand depression
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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