oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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