I met the friendliest cop last night
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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