Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
