soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
