he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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