he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
