Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
