Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
