someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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