.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
