I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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