No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
