someone threw a dead crab at me
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Someone signed my nipple.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
