I cut my penus on the lid.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
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When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
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Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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